Today is the 29th September 2014. Took the day off to myself and decided to write a post that I long dreaded to have it written. At times, I like being alone, but it's not easy getting the chance these days. 

Just about a month back, I've finally announced my pregnancy on Facebook. Wasn't expecting that much attention and excitement from my friends that haven't been in contact for months. But yes, I was glad they were happy for me. 

I myself, however, have not been expecting myself to be the way I am today. I mean, the way I'm reacting to this whole situation. Sure, if you'd ask me if we were ready for the plus one, I would say, yes. For we have come to a level of maturity, that we understand most of the situation and we hardly ever get into an argument anymore. It's an achievement in a relationship I believe, that not many can reach. 

This unplanned pregnancy has brought upon such surprise that till this day, I often question myself if I'm ready for what's coming. We, as a team, are ready, but deep down, I kept questioning myself if I would still hold my sanity without those partying and late night drinks, the catching up with friends and casual wandering into doing what I wanna do. And all day everyday it's just about the child, not that I'm not willing to, but more like can I do it? 

I honestly don't know how I feel. It's the first time I feel such uncertainty. 

I'm not all excited like some moms do, I don't track the progress into details or look at baby products all the time. Yeah, there are joys along the line like feeling the baby kicks and all but nah, I try to stick to my usual routine as much as possible. I prefer it that way for now. Though there are some changes that I can't avoid but my attention doesn't get there. It just stays where they were, like before. 

I don't fancy kids like most people do, maybe that's why. All of these that I'm going through, that im willing to go through, is for you. The plan of life I used to have, doesn't include marriage or children, it's mostly made up of the big city and a huge deal of charismatic living. But your appearance made me feel different, and wanting to try the definite opposite of life. It's hard to have it written in words the influence you've had on me. 

At 30 weeks now, everything becomes clearer where it's heading and how it's supposed to go. Its gonna be a tougher road ahead with a new set of challenge but I know it's something we have to conquer in a matter of time. 

Our hands are clapping, don't stop.